Open Forum

Everything that needs to be said has been said.

Someone actually told me that all she's tired of being "plastic" the way that she has been with me. She seems to have a lot of things buried in that head of hers about me. This, from the same person who said that I know a lot more than she does and that she could never reach where I am now.

I'm like, huh?! I've never been plastic with anyone - civil, yes. Polite, yes, but not plastic.

Figure it out.

Oh and one other thing: another person said that she was only talking behind my back because I did not respect her.

Hmmm... I just can't believe how people would mast being tattletale with the petty excuse such as, that's because you did not respect me. Excuse me?! What did I ever do to you? I have never ever looked down at anyone in my entire life. Some people may get offended by my authoritative tone and a strong personality. But I have never, consciously and viciously, created a web of lies about anyone or stare at them in the face and then talk to someone else about it.

As far as having that "authoritative tone", which I really can't seem to take off of me since I was a kid (and believe me, I've tried) still working on and and I may well continue to work on it till the day I die. As far as making others feel inadequate or that they can't live up to my "level" - I don't have a level. Beats me. Maybe I should talk to albs about it and to my best friend to see just what my "level" is supposed to be. Pourth Ploor anyone?! LOL

Someone asked me if what happened was effective. I have to say that I think it was. But then again that's because I went there with an open conscience and an open mind. After everything that's happened, these are the things I can say:

Very few people grasp the idea that when you say you don't bother with what's going on in their heads or you'll grow crazy, you don't really mean that you don't think about what they would feel. What you're only saying is, you're not paranoid. They may think badly about you or other people, but so long as your conscience is clear that you're not doing anything against them then that's it.

What you feel about yourself reflects on what you do. If you feel your some Neanderthal that no one should bother themselves with, then that will show in your appearance, the way you carry yourself, etc. If you are at peace with yourself that will show in how you carry yourself. If you're insecure, that will show too. If you're bitter about the world, about people and generally about life, then you'll continue to create a web of bitterness all around you.

I'm not one to want to always be sad or bitter about life. I want to be happy. The only one I have control over is myself - probably my authoritative tone nor my competitive spirit - but what I do with my life - if I want to live a happy and fulfilled life or not.

I have made that decision years ago. I'm grateful for my life. I know that everything has a purpose and as much as I continue to rebel against it, my will will not always be done. The only thing I can do is to decide to be happy, try not to think of evil thoughts, help others and do something good each day.

If others don't want to be happy, it's their choice.