It is not our abilities that show us what we truly are. It is our choices - Professor Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secretes, J.K. Rowling

...to ammend: It is not our abilities that show us WHO we truly are. It is OUR CHOICES.

here's part of a conversation i had with a friend:

me: hey there! adrielle is writing you a postcard

guy: Hey I didn't even know you were here. Does the postcard have a picture on it?

me: i didn't know u were here either. but i just talked with adrielle adn she said she's writing you a postcard... yep

guy: YAY! :-) ... Now I will be wondering what it may be

me: hehehe

guy: you know the other day when I was walking through a department store at the mall -

me: - don't tell me you again saw the same scent!

guy: - I went right by the fragrances counter and thought to myself that I should try and see what Clinique Happy smelled like

me: hah! i knew it! ...well, what do you think? isn't it a wondersul smell?

guy: but I was practically past the counter so I didn't stop and go back to see if they had any. like I said before, I will have to take your word for it (as far as smelling so wonderful)

me: yikes! You should have smelled it! ... it's really really nice

guy: maybe next time. I guess I wonder why it is so much nicer than any of the other scents that they make

me: oh well, okay

guy: because you know, there are a lot of them

me: it just is

(guy laughs)

guy: Oh, well that explains it so clearly to me now ;-) :-)

(i smile)l

me: i am a very clear person

guy: uhuh

me: crystal

guy: that's the best way of saying it

me: uhuh ...

(deleted parts)

guy: but you have backhandedly given me the answer to what I asked you ...and since I'm just a nurse, I won't lecture you about it

(i laugh)

me: it's the lawyer in me ;-)

(more deletions. not for anything, but i'm tryign to save space here.)

guy: you know out of respect for you and your dieting, I decided not to have a second bowl of cereal (this morning)

me: WHAT?!

guy: you heard me. ...lol

me: I am the one who needs to lose weight and not you! you ought to gain more weight or you'll end up sexier than me ;-) ...lol lol lol

guy: but I am respecting your decision to lose weight ...and doing what I can to support you

me: duh?! that's not support! if you wanted to support me, you'll eat some mroe so you can be fat and i won't feel too bad seeing my 20 more lbs on me ...yikes! i can't believe i used that word! but you get my meaning

guy: so you'll defihitely always be the sexier one. (I like this guy already! ;) LOL)

me: and i'm not saying yikes about you. i'm saying yikes aboutthe term "sexy" eeeew! ...i know i'm the prettier one! ;-) hahaha

guy: lol ... yep ...and better smelling

me: my co-workers always call me ms. beautiful - not because i am, but because I always respond, "Oh I know, what can i help you with?" lol lol lol ...nope not better smelling coz there's no Clinique Happy yet ;-) and i dont use any scent remember?

guy: you only smell like your natural self then

me: uhuh. but i pefer to smell as Clinique Happy does. lol

guy: LOL :-)

me: anyway, there was this one thing that caught me unawares while i was outside the office "going home" ...I was taken aback to learn that I'm 24 and not yet married! LOL LOL LOL ...I was like, "OMG! My friend is 27 and it seemed only yesterday she was 24 and thinking she should get married!" and then I though, "But I'm 24 and i don't think there's any hurry that I would get married. besides, i don't wanna burden any guy with my problems, which marriage would of course entail..."

guy: Why did that happen? ...Oh and I knew this about you already

me: ...I don't know

guy: I have been thinking about myself this way since the (sort of new) people I work with have been asking me from time to time if I'm married. and when I tell them I'm not it dawns on me -

me: - and it was weird coz i was thinking about why my friend, when she was 24 had already thought about settling down

guy: well for your friend I imagine it was a whole set of circumstances that had you thinking that about her

me: maybe you should tell them you are instead ;-) LOL LOL LOL

me: lie she may have been involved with a really nice guy for a long time... and they seemed like they were serious and everything ...well, she was involved with the guy she eventually married

guy: so now you want me to lie to them ;-)

me: when she got married December last year. lol

guy: lol some would have heard that I'm not, and others will have heard that I am ...anyway, I think that it was perfectly natural for you to have thought that about her ...given the kinds of things that were impacting on her life (that you knew about)

me: sometimes i look for that - you know some nice guy that I can even unburden my problems to -, but then I think tht I shouldn't have to depend on someone to solve them for me, which is probably why I drive them all away ;-) LOL

guy: so for you, it's just different at 24 than it was for her

me: yeah. it is

guy: it's unique

me: There's this other employment opportunity that I'm applying to, but it's in UK. hopefully, I get it, but I'm not really HOPING hoping, you know what i mean? ...there are probably lots of better people and more qualified than me

guy: lol

me: hey, do you think i'm such a... i don't know... bad person for wanting to get away from all this chaos?

guy: If you would get a job in the UK then I would think of you as being Hero Gueverra

me: i don't mean you as (deleted name), but you as another person, do you think it's bad of me not to want to constantly live under these conditions that I'm in? ...OMG! do you know that i lost the link to that fic of may? and I have totally forgotten about it till now

guy: I can probably only answer that as (deleted name) though since that is who I am ...and the answer is no I don't think you're bad

me: well okay, but can you answer it like you know if you didn't know as many things as you know about me. i kind of i need an answer of an outsider not an insider like you ;-) lol

guy: for wanting to get away from those things which have made your life as it is.if somebody else would say to you that you should stay and fix things then that person just wouldn't know that the things that have been going on are ones that would take people on both sides of the issue to fix (not just you to be the one trying)

me: it's just that sometimes i think that the reason why i don't really get any good thing is coz I may not be doing as God wants me to do and He's sort of making a "mark" for me to see that THIS is what he wants me to live through for the rest of my life. I don't know. It's weird... I'm weird

guy: I don't quite know if God looks at each of us and says he wants us to be tested by him ...I've heard often enough that as His children, He only wants good things for us

me: Like Maybe I shouldn't even want to have some time to relax or something. Like maybe I should always be on the go and try so ahrd to fix things and not look for consolation or something

guy: This world and all that is negative in it, is enough of a challenge to overcome al by itself

me: Sometimes i wonder about that. What if the reason why these thigns happen is coz it's not supposed to? I'm supposed to live this way and the only reason why it's getting too hard to keep my will to stay on the course that I'm taking is coz this IS the path I'm supposed to take... like maybe if I just accepted it adn not try to look for better things then I won't have to waste so much of my energy since it's futile fighting it anyway. now you know why may calls me weird. it's all these things that go through my head ;-)

guy: When we try to divine whether or not things of a spiritual nature are directing the way we live, then I think we need to be doing so in the company of someone who may know better about such things

me: lol. yeah like a priest. hehehe

guy: So I mean to be consulting a priest when you think things like this

me: but then i get these thoughts in various places, not necessarily in places where i could see a priest or a priest would go walking nearby ...which is why i'm weird

guy: lol, yeah but then you should maybe write them down or remember them for the next time you go to reconciliation ...so that you can talk to the priest about them (it's just a suggestion)

...to be continued...