bleh!

There was this insect flying or attempring to fly where my PC is!!!! give me anything but no flying insect, most especially, not a cockroach!!!

Okay so it wasn't a cockroah - or else i would have jumped to another nearby chair or run the heck out of the room. Still, it was 1 inch long at elast, thin, brown and it had a sort of "leaves" between the head adn the body....

I was telling this friend that i was talking to, "Give me tigers, but do not under any circumstances give me insects! coz damsel in distress or not, i freak out!"

He said, "no I will not be providing any tigers or other big threatening animals. the insects will just have to learn that while you have a sandal, their very lives are in direct peril. and then if they have any sense, they'll stay away."

LOL. now THAT is a good one.

but you knwo what i was thinking while contemplating on killing it or not? I was thinking, "I don't wanna kill you coz I want ecological balance... Please don't make me kill you... sheeks! Don't fly that way! Stay away from my chair! Oh please don't let me kill you... - WHAM!" I finally had to get a sandal and thow it in the insect's direction.

I'm an insect murderer now.

gee whiz! another coup d' etat and only a few years after the turn of the century!

in my field, i definitely know that there are problems with the government and problems in the military, but i never for once thought that just when the economy is moving, we'll face almost the same situation as we did back when i was still too young to really ponder on the coup d' etat during the Aquino Administration...

Well at least this one started over the weekend and ended immediately. Can't wait for the state of the nation address!

i just had the most... errr well frustrating days in my entire life. I of course had to transcribe that meeting with OP and I actually just need to vent off my frustration at how dense this man is!

Then my Tungsten was not functioning. This is the 2nd time that I may need to have it replaced. The thing is, I don't understand why that is so. I don't use it for purposes other than storing the temporary notes i jot down during meetings and all.

Then... oh well I am still looking for stuff....

5 Things I learned in my mtg with OP:

1. Never butt-in while someone is talking
2. Lawyers do not understand roadmaps ... and never cut in while someone is talking
3. Lawyers do not understand scorecards ... never butt in whiel the business sector is presenting
4. Lawyers cannot understand when they need to shut up ... Can you not understand that YOU were the one who followed us up on this meeting so LET US DO THE REPSENTATION SO YOU WON'T TAKE MORE OF OUR TIME!!!!
5. I will never know why the OP would hire people who can never understand what the Private sector is doing!

Duh?! I have had the darnest unproductive meeting... well, meeting with most of the givernment offices can certainly have its reward if you meet with NEDA and Dept. of Finance. but by $%#$! why can't all government offices be like them?!

GRRR!!!!

You are Neverwhere! You are dark, intriguing, and
lenient. You might make people feel
uncomfortable, either because you are
intimidating or you dress differently possibly
both. In reality you are a nice person, but
people tend to make snap judgments about you
and think they can push you around. You
probably are idealistic and dream of a utopian
society. The friends that you have are the kind
that last forever and you are fun and easy-
going when people bother to get to know you.


*~Which Neil Gaiman book are you?~*
brought to you by Quizilla

I don't understand this, but heck... it describes me - my brother said that I have such a strong character... my aunt has told me on several occassions that I'm too idealistic coz I'm still young.

...this is the continuation, though it's not the same conversation as the one i had with the guy...

Anyway, I got to talk to another friend of mine... Well, she would understand since she's in the same situation, though her ship is built differently...

See, ever since... well... ever SINCE, I have often wondered why being single has always been put on a pedestal. I wondered that even when... well when... Anyhow, I never understood why and how people could think that it's harder back then. Whereas it is certainly harder - much much harder now -

Incidentally, I know I am not making any sense to those who do not know me well enough to KNOW what I'm talking about. That's to be expected.

- Anyhow, it is certainly harder these past few years when it feels like I am carrying too much that I should not be carrying. The worst part about it is having people you're trying to help turn against you that you just want to leave and for once in your life you want to not care about anyone other than yourself. you wanna get away from it all because everything just seem so tiring and you see that in the end, it doesn't really matter anyway so why help, right?!

I keep thinking that maybe it's me. Maybe I'm really meant to be in this situation and maybe the PLAN is for me to accept it and just get things over with. You know, no non-sense, run-of-the-mill idealistic thoughts on how you can make a difference and change the world so that you can help particular people creeping in your mind. Why can't you be just one of those dumb-dorks-who-just-goes-with-the-flow-and-enjoy-life-and-party-all-the time-and-don't-give-a-sh**-what-the-FREAK-happens-to-everyone-else-just-so-long-as-she's-happy kinda girl? But then again, I keep thinking maybe this ISN'T the PLAN and there's really something there for me... something for just for me. Something that is meant for me to enjoy and not for me to enjoy that someone else is enjoying. It's really selfish, I know. But sometimes... you just really get so tired that fighting IT just... just can't be done anymore. but eventhough you don'tfeel like facing it... you wake up everyday, be it nearly mechanically and that same spirit that has been crushed each and everyday is still there that you just want to tear it out of yourself.

But eventhough at the end of the day, you are once again too tired to fight and you have nearly given up... you can never fully give up and it just frustrates you over and over again why you can't stop yourself from fighting... why you can't just kill that spirit that urges you to move on and look for ways and means to get away from everything else that if you can only do so, you practically want to strangle yourself (which is, yes i know, physically impossible) to keep yourself from hoping... to keep yourself from wasting too much energy all for nothing. And justa s you think that you have finally succeeded in killing off that spirit, you wake up another day and tire yourself out in the battle.

my friend then made me realize something... something which may be partly true, though not the stuff about me. She made me realize that those who say that they are in the midst of everything are not. They are not here fighting the battle against the storm. Instead, they are at the eye of the store - the calmest, albeit the PHYSICAL CENTER of it. The real center of the storm is not the eye, but it is the part that tears down whole villages and communities - where destruction is ever present.

She said that maybe things happened because I have a big heart and it is meant to expand and accommodate more than just what it used to - not just a few. Physically speaking, I have a normal heart - not too big and not too small -, but as far as expanding and accommodating everything... I do not have a Messiah complex nor do I aspire for one. I am too selfish for my own good and I just wish I coulod be more so so I can stop thinking abotu all these other stuff I keep thinking about.

It is not our abilities that show us what we truly are. It is our choices - Professor Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secretes, J.K. Rowling

...to ammend: It is not our abilities that show us WHO we truly are. It is OUR CHOICES.

here's part of a conversation i had with a friend:

me: hey there! adrielle is writing you a postcard

guy: Hey I didn't even know you were here. Does the postcard have a picture on it?

me: i didn't know u were here either. but i just talked with adrielle adn she said she's writing you a postcard... yep

guy: YAY! :-) ... Now I will be wondering what it may be

me: hehehe

guy: you know the other day when I was walking through a department store at the mall -

me: - don't tell me you again saw the same scent!

guy: - I went right by the fragrances counter and thought to myself that I should try and see what Clinique Happy smelled like

me: hah! i knew it! ...well, what do you think? isn't it a wondersul smell?

guy: but I was practically past the counter so I didn't stop and go back to see if they had any. like I said before, I will have to take your word for it (as far as smelling so wonderful)

me: yikes! You should have smelled it! ... it's really really nice

guy: maybe next time. I guess I wonder why it is so much nicer than any of the other scents that they make

me: oh well, okay

guy: because you know, there are a lot of them

me: it just is

(guy laughs)

guy: Oh, well that explains it so clearly to me now ;-) :-)

(i smile)l

me: i am a very clear person

guy: uhuh

me: crystal

guy: that's the best way of saying it

me: uhuh ...

(deleted parts)

guy: but you have backhandedly given me the answer to what I asked you ...and since I'm just a nurse, I won't lecture you about it

(i laugh)

me: it's the lawyer in me ;-)

(more deletions. not for anything, but i'm tryign to save space here.)

guy: you know out of respect for you and your dieting, I decided not to have a second bowl of cereal (this morning)

me: WHAT?!

guy: you heard me. ...lol

me: I am the one who needs to lose weight and not you! you ought to gain more weight or you'll end up sexier than me ;-) ...lol lol lol

guy: but I am respecting your decision to lose weight ...and doing what I can to support you

me: duh?! that's not support! if you wanted to support me, you'll eat some mroe so you can be fat and i won't feel too bad seeing my 20 more lbs on me ...yikes! i can't believe i used that word! but you get my meaning

guy: so you'll defihitely always be the sexier one. (I like this guy already! ;) LOL)

me: and i'm not saying yikes about you. i'm saying yikes aboutthe term "sexy" eeeew! ...i know i'm the prettier one! ;-) hahaha

guy: lol ... yep ...and better smelling

me: my co-workers always call me ms. beautiful - not because i am, but because I always respond, "Oh I know, what can i help you with?" lol lol lol ...nope not better smelling coz there's no Clinique Happy yet ;-) and i dont use any scent remember?

guy: you only smell like your natural self then

me: uhuh. but i pefer to smell as Clinique Happy does. lol

guy: LOL :-)

me: anyway, there was this one thing that caught me unawares while i was outside the office "going home" ...I was taken aback to learn that I'm 24 and not yet married! LOL LOL LOL ...I was like, "OMG! My friend is 27 and it seemed only yesterday she was 24 and thinking she should get married!" and then I though, "But I'm 24 and i don't think there's any hurry that I would get married. besides, i don't wanna burden any guy with my problems, which marriage would of course entail..."

guy: Why did that happen? ...Oh and I knew this about you already

me: ...I don't know

guy: I have been thinking about myself this way since the (sort of new) people I work with have been asking me from time to time if I'm married. and when I tell them I'm not it dawns on me -

me: - and it was weird coz i was thinking about why my friend, when she was 24 had already thought about settling down

guy: well for your friend I imagine it was a whole set of circumstances that had you thinking that about her

me: maybe you should tell them you are instead ;-) LOL LOL LOL

me: lie she may have been involved with a really nice guy for a long time... and they seemed like they were serious and everything ...well, she was involved with the guy she eventually married

guy: so now you want me to lie to them ;-)

me: when she got married December last year. lol

guy: lol some would have heard that I'm not, and others will have heard that I am ...anyway, I think that it was perfectly natural for you to have thought that about her ...given the kinds of things that were impacting on her life (that you knew about)

me: sometimes i look for that - you know some nice guy that I can even unburden my problems to -, but then I think tht I shouldn't have to depend on someone to solve them for me, which is probably why I drive them all away ;-) LOL

guy: so for you, it's just different at 24 than it was for her

me: yeah. it is

guy: it's unique

me: There's this other employment opportunity that I'm applying to, but it's in UK. hopefully, I get it, but I'm not really HOPING hoping, you know what i mean? ...there are probably lots of better people and more qualified than me

guy: lol

me: hey, do you think i'm such a... i don't know... bad person for wanting to get away from all this chaos?

guy: If you would get a job in the UK then I would think of you as being Hero Gueverra

me: i don't mean you as (deleted name), but you as another person, do you think it's bad of me not to want to constantly live under these conditions that I'm in? ...OMG! do you know that i lost the link to that fic of may? and I have totally forgotten about it till now

guy: I can probably only answer that as (deleted name) though since that is who I am ...and the answer is no I don't think you're bad

me: well okay, but can you answer it like you know if you didn't know as many things as you know about me. i kind of i need an answer of an outsider not an insider like you ;-) lol

guy: for wanting to get away from those things which have made your life as it is.if somebody else would say to you that you should stay and fix things then that person just wouldn't know that the things that have been going on are ones that would take people on both sides of the issue to fix (not just you to be the one trying)

me: it's just that sometimes i think that the reason why i don't really get any good thing is coz I may not be doing as God wants me to do and He's sort of making a "mark" for me to see that THIS is what he wants me to live through for the rest of my life. I don't know. It's weird... I'm weird

guy: I don't quite know if God looks at each of us and says he wants us to be tested by him ...I've heard often enough that as His children, He only wants good things for us

me: Like Maybe I shouldn't even want to have some time to relax or something. Like maybe I should always be on the go and try so ahrd to fix things and not look for consolation or something

guy: This world and all that is negative in it, is enough of a challenge to overcome al by itself

me: Sometimes i wonder about that. What if the reason why these thigns happen is coz it's not supposed to? I'm supposed to live this way and the only reason why it's getting too hard to keep my will to stay on the course that I'm taking is coz this IS the path I'm supposed to take... like maybe if I just accepted it adn not try to look for better things then I won't have to waste so much of my energy since it's futile fighting it anyway. now you know why may calls me weird. it's all these things that go through my head ;-)

guy: When we try to divine whether or not things of a spiritual nature are directing the way we live, then I think we need to be doing so in the company of someone who may know better about such things

me: lol. yeah like a priest. hehehe

guy: So I mean to be consulting a priest when you think things like this

me: but then i get these thoughts in various places, not necessarily in places where i could see a priest or a priest would go walking nearby ...which is why i'm weird

guy: lol, yeah but then you should maybe write them down or remember them for the next time you go to reconciliation ...so that you can talk to the priest about them (it's just a suggestion)

...to be continued...

To continue...

The following day, after having slept for only a couple of hours, I brought my niece to the doctor, but then we got separated from my mom so i just fed her. We were supposed to eat at HOTSHOTS, but she opted for mcDonald's at St. Francis Square. My friends and I brought her home adn then we went off on a weekend living in a car in Tagaytay.

Now THIS is really something. We got 2 "vases" (since they were clear glass that ought to be used as vases instead of "pitcher" for the margarita) of margaritas and it was definitely up to the standards of Friday's. :) Anyway, we got our friend drunk. but what really was a shock was the story of this theo couple in out school! OMG! I don't know how this PDA couple actually had the guts to do what they did, but man! Didn't they ever think of the sanctity of the priest?! and to think they were doing loads of stuff in Theology class!

And then, when we wereat Starbucks eating our banana creame pie (which is definitely heaven by the way), my friend and I were going to the ladies room. Seeing that 2 guys came out of the guys' place and being used to large powder rooms, i followed my friend and quizzically wondered why she locked the whole powder room to herself. When I was finally given the time of day to enter, I found out that it was a room meant for onlyi person using it. Judging from the loocks of things, the women's powder room looked more roomy than the men's which was lodged into the far corner of the 2nd floor (the Starbucks in Tagaytay is by far the best looking and most roomy Starbucks that I ever went to - even bigger than the one near Shangri-La Hotel in Makati!). That's when I thought... eeeeewwww! MAN! That is definitely gross!

To update this blog before my week comes to another end...

The dad of my co-worker died and so we travelled all the way to Paete, Laguna Friday last week. Can you believe that it took us 4 hours to get there?!

One of the consultants from the office was kind enough to give us a lift. Now here's what i hate about it: We were supposed to rent a van to fit in 10 people. But then this consultant of ours was kind enough to let us ride with him. We were supposed to go with him on Friday after work. So thinking that the ones who were counted are assured of the ride, I waited for my friends from another department while some other people who wanted to hitch with us went down to the van. Those included in the headcount even logged out ahead of time just for us to leave early. Lo and behold! When we got there, the van was soooo full of people that the ones who were originally meant to be there couldn't fit in! And I was sooooo pi**ed! But of course, I didn't say anything (Can you believe THAT?!).

Anyway, we went on (without my friends, but i had to go on since the person whose dad died belongs in my department) and travelled 4 hours and then this jeep cut in on us and our consultant gave way by backing up a little. We didn't know that there was this AUV who was "stationed" right behind us! The driver did not give us enough leeway to move and to think that he was asking us to pay for his #$%@#&$ headlights! Duh?! If he had used his headlights, then he would have seen that he was following us too closely! But what really has me raising my eyebrow is why he asked the younger looking girl to elave his AUV when he went on to rant on us on how his headlights has got to be paid. And although was the younest among this bunch, I had to go out of the van and ask the guy what's the matter coz it appeared like our consultant was going to pay him and I certainly know that it was the AUV's driver's fault that he was followig us too closely!

I have more important and interesting tale to tell, but i'll leave that for another day.

Okay, I was just asked to update my blog.

To spare you the details of this (^$$%((_&*@$%$()*_ life, I have managed to summarize everything that has happened so far:

1. I had so much work that I couldn't even log on to update this blog.

2. The job wasn't for me. None of it all is for me.

3. I got my Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix, Dark Angel Eyes Only Dossier, Dark Angel Skin Games. Thanks to the person who sent it to me and many HUGS!!!!

4. My niece got 2 packages of PowerPuff Girls membership Kit addressed to the Guy's surname here child together with the package that was delivered right to my office by the postal service.

5. I got to watch Down with Love, which was not what i expected it to be. You have got to admire the writer.

6. I'm back to that stuff alba and I are doing.

7. i need a #$&^*%^&^$@ proposal, &*%%^$ it! :)

rotfl rotfl rotfl!